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Inside The Liz Head

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(no subject) [Aug. 17th, 2008|11:36 pm]
Inside The Liz Head
I finally  got away for two nights and I'm just starting to feel okay again and now I have to go back tomorrow and I really don't want to. I feel guilty because I want to leave right now but I know how much he's looking forward to burning man and he'll just hate me more than he already does/will if I dont go. 

I don't think he'll ever be the person I want to be. A couple of times now I've said to him that he doesnt deserve my attention and I mean it. I've said numerous times I don't want to do it anymore. He dimishes me , and makes me dimish myself. I need help. 

I think tomorrow at five oclock , home time from work, i won't be able to make myself go. I know what will wait for me, him ignoring me but insisting that I stay at home, the house messy from all his friends being around and I'm expected to clean up. He won't even take the garbage out, says I'm being minipulative when I ask him to do it . I ask him to do it sometime, not right away. I do ALL the cooking and cleaning. It's the only thing he does. He's supposed to do the dishes but he never does that. Except when he's trying to reel me back in.  

He calls me stupid all the time. He talks over me when I talk especially when we're around other people. He doesnt listen to me at home, and when I have a problem says that his problems are more important. Actually says that. Everything is about him. At Solaris, I had heat stroke and he went off to do K , leaving me alone and throwing up. He wouldnt even go fill up a water bottle for me. Probably thought I was trying to twist him some how. I won't ever forget that. I don't trust to go into the desert with him. Thank god for Nadzo taking care of me. He let me throw up off the side of the stage while he was dancing. He didn't care. I think he's a psycho. 

Sorry but I need to vent. I feel like I"m losing my mind.

I don't want this.
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I just wrote this.... [Jan. 31st, 2008|06:39 pm]
Inside The Liz Head
[Tags|]

I remember my feet hitting the ground, vomit spewing from my mouth. I remember the dark dank room pulsating with people, skirmishes and bursts of chemical energy, pounding on me, forcing my head to implode, music moving me so fast and so far. Away from here, away from these half truths and lied promises, impossible egotists dream. The dancing rover looks at me. My stomach drops, my body brain and consciousness drop too, melting onto the floor. I fight back, but I’m too weak and this place, these people, too strong. That’s when I start to lose it. The spinning takes over, the room starts shaking, my stomach start churning in tune. Synthesized screaming fills my ears and I lose it. I can’t keep myself safe.  I want to hide, I want out of my head. Where is the pill that will take me back, what can I swallow to get out of here? It’s too late, my body rejects my furtive attempt at grasping for control. I lose.
My feet push away the pavement, my stomach punishes me. Enough it says, it’s never ending biological fight to keep me alive mocking me as I dry heave. I can’t catch my breath but I have to get away from here. I run until the wind is all I hear, instead of the clashing chaos I left behind.  The white noise screams secrets at me go back go back but I can’t I won’t.  I need to escape from this net of insanity.  I see lights. Where am I? I don’t care. I’m alive and I know it. I hate it. My cell phone rings, interrupting my closed mind. The good old boy is back. I laugh, I tell him, I’m falling I’m falling. My mouth won’t work and I crash.

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(no subject) [Jan. 12th, 2008|12:02 am]
Inside The Liz Head
This journal is going outta buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzineeeeeeessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.
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Former Survival Sex-Trade Worker Responds to Pickton Verdict [Dec. 18th, 2007|01:45 pm]
Inside The Liz Head
http://www.orato.com/current-events/2007/12/10/day-after-verdict

This is where I work now, yo!
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Press Release [Nov. 28th, 2007|05:40 pm]
Inside The Liz Head
Vancouver - November 22, 2007: Orato.com - Teenagers have plenty of
good reasons to hide their beliefs about sexuality from adults, but
one thing's clear: teens are deeply affected by sexuality - their own,
that of their peers, and the stuff saturating the media. The online
citizen news site Orato.com wants to hire a teen sex columnist to be a
voice of Generation Net.

While their parents are installing electronic nannies, the Internet
generation is busy planning their Friday night on one of the biggest
social networking sites known to humankind. If you think MySpace or
Facebook have revolutionized communication, just think of the impact
it has on the psyches of this generation poised to become the largest
consumers and producers of Internet content!

The Internet has proven to be a dangerous place for teenagers. In the
words of ProtectKids.com, "Never before have pedophiles had the
opportunity to communicate so freely and directly with each other as
they do online."

The fact teenagers are prime targets on the Internet is precisely one
of the reasons why Orato.com will tackle these taboo issues by giving
teens a safe and prominent place to talk openly and honestly about
their experiences, online and otherwise.

Other subjects - like the latest Britney Spears video - are talked
about incessantly in media, but less is heard from teens themselves
about how Spears' provocative dress (or undress) translates in the
high school hallway. Orato.com will provide a platform where teens can
respond to the pressures they face to grow up fast and the conflicts
they feel those days when they just want to be a kid.

"Sexuality hits a young person like a ton of bricks. And it's a jungle
out there," says Orato.com's Editor in Chief Paul Sullivan "We hope
that teenagers will see Orato as a safe place to talk about this human
experience."

Teens have always had a sexual identity, whether it's abstinence or
experimentation. What has changed definitively is the world in which
teens grow up. Orato.com will open the door to a straight up look at
what this means, and the only way to get it straight is from the
mouths of teens. After all, teens are already talking about sex
amongst themselves - why not open the dialogue and find out what they
really feel?

So, if you are an outspoken teen who can write, isn't afraid to talk
about sexuality and has an honest relationship with your parents (who
must give their express written and verbal consent), contact
heather@orato.com. Orato.com wants you to write a weekly column, which
will be featured on our Love & Sex channel and also promoted
throughout the online community.

To protect your privacy, you can use an alias, and Orato.com will have
a sex education health counselor ready to weigh in when things get
touchy. (No pun intended) The point is, the floor is yours, so the
adult moderators will stand back and give you a space to take the
reigns. Just like at the school dance, you choose the music, we
chaperone - and listen.

To arrange an interview about this topic, contact Orato.com's Senior
Editor Heather Wallace at 604-688-3100.

Sincerely,

Heather Wallace
Senior Editor
Orato Media Corporation
Tel (604) 688-3100
Fax (604) 689-3009
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I Found this On the 'Best Of' Section of Craigslist [Nov. 21st, 2007|12:25 am]
Inside The Liz Head
[mood |laughing]

I found this one on the "best of" section of Craigslist and nearly died laughing. If you have a dog or ever had one you will understand.

Note to the dogs

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2007-08-16, 1:43PM CDT


Dear Dogs of Mine,

It seems that lately things have gotten a smidge slack around here. I feel it is time to remind you of the rules that heretofore we have operated under. You are both cute dogs, but your continued cuteness in no way negates our previous agreement. Let me remind you of a few details of this agreement.

1. In exchange for room and board, you are to guard the kingdom. That would be guarding the kingdom from any and all bad guys, robbers, serial killers, etc. Feel free to bark maniacally at any of those that should appear in the yard. Guarding the kingdom does NOT include barking maniacally at bunnies, squirrels, cows, sheep and invisible things that only you can see, especially between the hours of 5am (when I stumble out of bed to let you out) and 8am (when I actually have to be out of bed to get to work).
(And let me take a moment here to remind you that the pizza guy is a potential bad guy. He is not your friend. Just because he comes bearing food does not allow him free and easy access to the kingdom. He is potentially way more dangerous than the bunnies that you threaten to tear limb from limb.)

2. All of the stuff that lives in the toy basket is yours. Everything else is mine. Yours includes squeaky balls, random bones, partially unstuffed stuffed animals and chew ropes. Mine includes any and all shoes on the floor (especially the expensive leather ones), underwear that missed the hamper, bras, socks, dishtowels, the remote, the cell phone, the legs of my grandmother's antique chair and the vacuum. Did I mention shoes? ALL the shoes are mine. They come in pairs, not quads, for a reason.

3. The cat gets to sleep on the bed. You do not. You each weigh 50 pounds. The cat weighs 12. You sleep smack dab in the middle of the bed with all four feet spread out covering approximately 12 square feet apiece. The cat sleeps in a neat little ball covering about 2 square feet. The cat does not bring fleas into the house. You do. You, dogs, will never be allowed to sleep on the bed. Quit sneaking up when you think I'm not looking. Your 50 pounds of dogginess negates your stealth superpowers. I know you are up there!!

4. Speaking of the cat- when he hunkers down into that little mound, lays his ears back, squints his eyes and growls way back in his chest, HE IS NOT A HAPPY KITTY. Leave him alone. He does not want to play with you. What he wants to do is poke your eyes out and shread the skin around your face. He can do that, you know. Five of his 6 ends are really sharp and pointy. He has previously shown very little restraint. Clearly he enjoys smacking you upside the head with a paw full of claws. Do not aggrevate him. When he takes your head off after you have cornered him, I will let him. You have been forewarned.

5. The cat is mean. He will lead you down a path to destruction. He likes to tear around the house winding you up. He does this knowingly and intentionally. When you chase him, I will only yell at you for careening into walls and furniture. He knows this. Quit falling for it.

6. If you find something in the garbage can, assume that I intend for it to be there. Platic tampon shells are not chew toys. Don't eat them.

7. Also not for doggy consumption- anything you find in the litter box. This is why you no longer get to kiss me.

8. You are allowed to sleep on the furniture. You are not allowed to eat the furniture.

9. Yes, I have to leave every day to go to work. No, you cannot go with me. That's why there are two of you, so you can entertain each other. The cat gets to stay in the house. You both have to stay outside while I'm gone. The cat does not chew things up. You do. Quit whining about it. Your porch is air-conditioned. It's just like inside the house minus the sofa. If you'd quit chewing up dog beds, it would be just like inside the house. You have made your own proverbial bed by destroying two very expensive dog cushions.

10. I have opposable thumbs. This is why I get to be in charge. I can open cans, doors, and bags of treats. I am the only one in the house that can operate the hose sprayer. I'm also the only one with a driver's license and a car. I win. Being cute is no match for opposable thumbs.

While I in no way wish to suppress your rightful dogginess, I feel that these very simple guidelines will allow us to continue to co-exist in peaceful harmony. Please know though, that should you choose to continue in willful violation of these rules, I WILL PUT THE CAT IN CHARGE. He has just been itching for a position in management.

Much thanks,
The Human


it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 398608788

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


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(no subject) [Nov. 15th, 2007|06:15 pm]
Inside The Liz Head
Thor left today for two weeks in Chicago.

I miss him already.

I'm drinking with some friends tonight and GWAR!!!!!

Craziness! This is going to be ridiculous fun!
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Back 2 Good [Sep. 29th, 2007|07:54 pm]
Inside The Liz Head
[Current Location |Thors]
[mood |calmcalm]

I was motivated to look at my old livejournal. The writing seems so juvenille now. What do you think that means? If you're interested you can look her e punk_gurl212 . It's mostly from highschool, with a bit of first and second year thrown in. 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Its nothing, its so normal you
Just stand there I could say so much
But I dont go there cuz I dont want to
I was thinking if you were lonely
Maybe we could leave here and no one would know
At least not to the point that we would think so

Everyone here, knows everyone here is thinking about
Somebody else
Its best if we all keep it under our heads
I couldnt tell, if anyone here was feeling
The way I do
But Im lonely now, and I dont know how
To get it back to good

I dont mean that, you own me
This aint no good, in fact its phony
As hell
But things worked out just like you wanted too
If you see me out you dont know me
Try to turn your head, try to give me some room
To figure out just what Im going to do

And everyone here, hates everyone here for
Doing just like
They do
Its best if we all keep this quite instead
And I couldnt tell, why everyone here was
Doing me like
They do
But Im sorry now, and I dont know how
To get it back to good

Everyone here, is wondering what its like to be with
Somebody else
Everyone heres to blame, everyone here
Gets caught up in the pleasure of the pain,
Everyone hides
Shades of shame, but looking inside were the same, were
The same
And were all grown now, but we dont know
How
To get it back to good

Everyone here, knows everyone here is thinking bout
Somebody else
Its best if we all keep this under our heads
I couldnt tell, if anyone here was feeling
The way I do
But its over now, and I dont know how, its over now
Theres no getting back to good 
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(no subject) [Sep. 24th, 2007|07:25 pm]
Inside The Liz Head
To all of you who know me out there- do you think I'm pretty? I'm talking having seen me in the past year. Thor says I need to lose weight before he'll think I'm pretty. Ouch. Guys you gotta help me here.
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(no subject) [Sep. 4th, 2007|11:14 am]
Inside The Liz Head
Back and burnt. I miss home already.

It's like nothing else I've ever been a part of, or any other place I could ever be.

Maybe I'll try to recap it later. Music Music Music, thats all I gotta say!
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